Happy Holidays!

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The Need for Information

What is this "need" for information that compels us to search for answers to questions of our daughter's first year of life? If we are given answers, how "true" is the report? Will we ever know? And when you do find a piece of your daughter's history, can you handle it? Does it break your heart? And create more questions, with no answers?

A few months ago the SWI families group of my daughters orphanage was offered a research project to find out about our children, ask questions to the SWI, photos of Wuchuan, information about the town, a token from Wuchuan. I debated whether we should sign up or not. For a couple of hundred dollars, we could find out alot of information or nothing at all. Was it worth it to us? The answer was yes. I did not want to regret not doing it, not trying to find a piece of information. No matter how small.

Yesterday we received our package in the mail. My biggest hope was there was a photo of Chun Qiu from when she first entered the SWI. As I tore open the envelope to see what was inside, I quickly found there was not a photo of Chun Qiu as an infant. My disappointment was apparent, I continued to look through the rest of our report. We received professional photos of Wuchuan, a report on Wuchuan, a map of Wuchuan with finding spot circled and rocks from area, a seashell from Jizhao Bay, a piece of bamboo with Chun Qiu carved on one side and Fu on the other side, a blessing from the SWI, a DVD of Wuchuan in the summer (lots of photos), and a CD with photos of Wuchuan, Chun Qiu's finding spot, the town, a post card from three young girls at the Wangcun Gang post office (they would like to help us and would like us to write to them), and some answers to our questions to the SWI.

As I begin to look at the photos and read information given to us, I hold back the tears. Especially when I viewed Chun Qiu's finding spot for the first time. My heart was breaking to imagine our little girl, left in a box, all alone, so tiny, so young, crying into the night. She must have been so frightened, no one to answer her cries, to hold her and tell her everything will be ok. I had my own image of her finding spot, especially since we were given information while in China by Dong who is from Wuchuan, that her finding spot was "a hospital on a beach, her mother was smart, she knew she would be safe and found", and then there are images in the adoption story books that we read to our daughters. Reality is harsh, her finding spot was nothing like I imagined. I am amazed she survived the night and the stars aligned in just the right way for our paths to meet.

Chun Qiu was looking at the photos with me and asked if it was China. She told me when she was a baby and she cried. She talks often of when she was a baby and she cried, her mommy came to pick her up in China. The day mommy and daddy came to China. Does she remember? She was approx 10 days old when found and 13 1/2 months when she became our daughter. Could she remember her birth mother? crying into the night? and her time in the orphanage? More questions without answers.

I will not dwell on no answers, for now I will enjoy every day with my daughter and always remember the unknown woman who gave me the greatest gift.

One day we will return to China with Chun Qiu so she may find answers to her questions. In the mean time, we have some pieces of the puzzle, some photos of Chun Qiu's town.


Wangcun Gang town






Wangcungang Hospital

Santa 2009

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Our Little Rocker

Immediately after Lotus watched an 8 yr old Japanese guitar player on the Ellen Show she wanted to play on the guitars. She said it over and over and over again until Kevin agreed to take her down stairs to play. She specifically wanted to play on the Hello Kitty guitar. Here are a few photos from her first jam. Wondering should have we signed her up for guitar lessons and not dance? Hmmmmm

Hey Mommy, You're 40?

Last Friday I quietly turned 40! Ok, so maybe not so quietly. My dear husband threw a 40th birthday party in my honor. Originally he tried to make it a surprise, however, a week prior he confessed that a party was planned. The date was getting close and I was trying to make dinner plans etc, so he figured to let the proverbial cat out of the bag. We had originally discussed not having a party and go on vacation instead (my idea, not his), yet, my husband said there was no way your 40th can come along and not celebrate.

The day started out with Kevin and I dropping Lotus off at school and then stopping for a quick breakfast at the Amish Market (yummy). Then off for some shopping and preparations for the evening. Around 4 o'clock I left for a pedicure (which never happened), before picking Lotus up from school. It started to POUR (whenever we have a outdoor party at the house it will rain) and it continued to RAIN. I ditched the pedicure and decided to pick up Lotus. We were making our way back home in the Monsoon and she was not liking the rain at all, so we started to sing "Rain Rain Go Away", she got a kick out of the song and was content. When we reached home, we ran inside and waited as the guests arrived to the party. Luckily by the time everyone arrived the MONSOON had stopped and the sun made an appearance. It was a great party to say the least, it was a wonderful time to be surrounded by family and friends to celebrate my 40th! It definitely made turning 40 more exciting and fun. I will save my thoughts on turning 40 for another post.

Thank you Kevin for making my day very special, it was a great party!

PS There are no photos of the party since I am the one who takes most of the pics! I think my sister-in-law has one of the Happy Birthday blowing out the candles. Once I find it and it passes my approval, I will post it.

PPS During the party my daugher (who is almost 3 yrs old) turns to me, points to the banner, and says, "Mommy you turned 40?"